Okay, here goes:
Don't count your chickens before they hatch - The futures market is too risky.
A penny saved is a penny earned - Unless it's in a Savings and Loan.
Laughter is the best medicine - Make sure it's covered.
It never rains but it pours - And FEMA is never around.
Where there's smoke there's fire - And Marion Barry.
You can't go home again - Because it's been repossessed.
A fool and his money are soon parted - Unless you work for Haliburton.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away - So does an HMO.
Once bitten, twice shy - Twice bitten, once dated Marv Albert.
An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure - A good cover-up beats an impeachment.
Be careful what you wish for; you may get it - Unless you're voting for president.
Different strokes for different folks - See: Larry Craig
If it ain't broke, don't fix it - If a levee breaks, don't fix it.
It takes a village to raise a child - It takes a precinct to find the father.
It's not over till the fat lady sings - It's not over till a recital by a woman with weight issues, most likely brought on by low self-esteem accompanied by body dysmorphia.
Kill two birds with one stone - Get two years with one good lawyer.
Nice guys finish last - Guys with ADD never finish anything.
Practice makes perfect - A law practice makes money.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones - It'll lower the resale value.
Quitters never win and winners never quit - And Republicans never learn.
The pot calling the kettle black - The pot calling the kettle African-American.
There's no such thing as a free lunch - Unless it's paid for by a lobbyist.
Where there's a will, there's a way - To contest it.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade - Then mark it up and sell it at a huge profit.
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear - The labor costs are too high.
Good fences make good neighbors - Bad contractors make lousy fences.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen - It's climate controlled.
Ignorance is bliss - George W. Bush is ecstatic.
Source: http://www.helium.com/items/870167-count-chickens-before-hatch
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